One of the people who I follow on twitter stated that Black women seem to be forgotten in both Black History Month and Women's History Month. A long time ago, I wrote a paper for a class in which i was venting my frustrations about trying to find the balance in being a Black woman. At this stage in life I do not agree with everything that was said, but I'll share my long winded ramblings anyway!
"I hear the word feminist and I shudder. It’s not that I don’t believe the things that feminists stand for, but I haven’t had the best experiences with women who call themselves “feminists.” I’m told anyone can be a feminist; but, for some reason, I always seem to encounter the same kind. They are usually White, middle class women of average build with a short boy cuts yelping at me that I’m oppressed by “the man.” When I do stand up for myself, I’m told I’ve been brainwashed by “the man.” I know not all feminists are the same, however these super raging feminists have kept many women (including myself) far enough away and scared to call ourselves feminists.
Growing up, you would have thought that I was a feminist in training. It was probably due to the fact that I grew up with all boys, and I was determined to do anything that they could do but better. My mistake was that I thought I had to be like a man to be accepted by men. It didn’t take long before I learned that being a man isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. This realization taught me to embrace my femininity and use it to my advantage.
Blacks and women have been struggling to obtain equal rights for years. While their fights are very similar, they do not go hand and hand. Any feminist can be a racist, and any civil rights advocate may not believe in women’s rights. Although these statements seem obvious, it is the crux of Black women.
There is a distinct duality in being a black woman. Both pieces are apart of your identity while simultaneously using one another in negative and positive ways to achieve a goal of equality. When Black men received the right to vote, a lot of Whites were enraged. I mean, a good upstanding White woman surely deserved the right to vote before a Black man did. Whether it was because White women had already wanted the right to vote or not, these sorts of tactics create historical and social wounds.
It would be foolish of the Black woman to believe that her fight is the same as any other woman’s fight. Gender rights are extremely important, but if women are seen in society’s eyes as equal to men, she will not receive the benefits of those rights because of her skin. It is important to keep perspective that her struggle is a difficult one that needs to be addressed from both sides to be successful. Unfortunately, there are many people who try to put the Black women in a situation of us vs. them: Blacks vs. Whites or men vs. women. Some people have chosen to choose a side, which only hurts both sides. The side that hurts most is our race, because there is an increased breakdown in the Black familial unit.
An important aspect of feminism is having equal rights to men. Although Black men have equal rights to White men their skin color prevents them from always receiving them. Social attitudes takes a lot longer to change than most people believe. A fault of Black women is equating the Black man with “the man.” It is unnecessary to be upset that he is not taking advantages of his rights as a man if he is already beaten down for his skin color. These naggings put a divide between the race that is not spoken about in mixed company.
I will do something as blasphemous as to say that there is nothing more difficult than being a Black man (in America). I know a lot of people may disagree with me, and I expect them to disagree or else everyone would think as I do. I never realized it myself until I had an unexpected visit from “the man.” My brother was a brilliant child, always a quick learner, amazing athlete, and handsome. It seemed the older he got the more he became broken down to the point where I didn’t recognize his spirit. I never felt sympathetic toward him, because we grew up in the same household, were given the same opportunities, except he was smarter than me, and even worse he was a man. I thought I was the one burdened. I was the youngest, I was the only girl, and I was a woman. I was wrong. Being a woman protected me from the grievances that I could never imagine at the time. My intention is not to you with stories of racial hardships but see what it took for me to see what my brother was going through.
One night driving home from upstate NY to NYC, we got pulled over by the police. I was awakened by a flashlight in my face, my brother’s hands on the steering wheel, and a cop with his hand firmly on his gun holster screaming at the car and calling for backup. They screamed at him to get out of the car, and he looked at me just as scared as I was yet tried to assure me that everything would be ok. I don’t remember what was said, but at that moment I understood his contempt. They frisked him, ran his plates, checked his license for warrants, and we were free to go. When we started driving he told me he was happy I was in the car or it might have been a longer night, and he couldn’t wait for me to get my license so I could drive. That fact became more evident when I did get my license. I have never been pulled over alone, pulled over when a Black male is on the car with little harassment, and pulled over more often when a Black male is driving. My brothers and male friends are always pulled over.
Simple inconveniences such as these do more than just hold up your day. Besides the fact that they can be degrading it is an outline for life. The Black man is beaten down because he has been forgotten. There are plenty of Black men who have made it past their obstacles, my father happened to be one of those so fortunate to rise up from his difficult situations. In our quest to uplift our gender we seem to have forgotten about race in its entirety. There is a reason more Black men are in jail than in college. Without the success of more Black men the future seems dim for all of us. Until we have made it as a people we are only further separating ourselves from one another to our doom. Francis Harper (a Black abolitionist during the late 1800’s) once said that “[White feminists] speak of rights but I speak of wrongs.” The laws are changing, we appear to be slowly advancing, but the people’s mindsets are changing slower than expected. The “change” has come but not as we expected. My rights will never matter as long as my skin color is wrong."
After reading this, I have a lot to think about I'll post somemore modern views later.
